Thursday, December 29, 2005

“There will be consequences…” EPILOGUE

That goddamned Harry Potter did me in… once again I fucked up because I was pressured into putting something live after hours, and I forgot to send one last email with the live link to be tested.  Of course, something was broken… which wasn’t discovered until almost two weeks later.  It didn’t matter that the code that was fucked up came from a template that worked just FINE in the other language I built the day before, or that it would appear that no one ELSE - the project manager, the Legal Dept., the client - cared enough about this CRUCIAL site to thoroughly test it THEMSELVES.  You’d think since it was so fucking important that it was worth violating the staging policy over (not to mention jeopardizing someone’s JOB), that one of these major stakeholders would take the time to give it the fine-tooth-comb treatment.  But no one did; and since I was the one to stage it live, the last link in the chain, I was left holding the bag. 

So I got the ol’ proverbial heave-ho on the 12th; and after 6 years on the job, I find myself looking for another gig.  That I lasted that long is pretty much a friggin’ miracle in itself, as I’ve never lasted more than 3 years at any one job without going batshit from boredom and having to move on.

It’s cold comfort, but the manager who fired me and the HR rep who held his hand through it both seemed really unhappy to have to do it.  I did a LOT of shit each and every day even BEFORE they laid off a third of the Interface Developers back in November; and once those folks were gone I inherited even more to do.  But I did my best to get it all done; staying late, doing “favors” and going above and beyond the call of duty to keep everyone happy and things moving along.  All of that simply didn’t matter… what DID was the violation of a rule and a circumnavigation of the Process.  In the eyes of the soulless entity known as a Corporation, punishments are many and rewards are few.  Despite my flexibility (5 title changes in 6 years, being given duties I wasn’t really qualified to do and learning how to fulfill them, living up to my work obligations no matter HOW shitty I felt, putting off doctor’s appointments so as not to miss too much work) I never had a single promotion, nor was I ever officially recognized for all of the things I received thanks and praise for from my colleagues and superiors.

The road to the Unemployment Line is paved with good intentions.  In reality, though, I have no one to blame but myself, for turning a blind eye to what I’ve always known to be true: any loyalty between an employee and her company is a one-way street, and it ain’t the company feeling any obligation, that’s for sure.

Well, fuck ‘em.  I had a great time for my 10th wedding anniversary, and a fabulous holiday in spite of those Scrooges!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Why Be Born Again When You Can Just Grow Up?

While wandering the web I came across this interesting post, with links to recent studies and data, posing the question:  Is Christian Morality Harmonious?

Can there be a harmonious Christian society? Even the United States can hardly be called harmonious, at least compared to the average. There is a certain level of disharmony to be expected, by virtue of human nature. So the question becomes - does Christianity improve on this, or regress ? Christians would say the former, but the data shows the latter.

I know I’ve ranted about my take on Francois’ next bits… like here

Now let’s look at the issue from the perspective of moral development. As I’ve proven before, Christianity is an order-based morality - a morality adapted for babies and little children - imposed on adults. So you necessarily have a tension there. What you get, is a society full of repressed children, grown adults who hoot and holler at sexuality and bodily functions as if they were schoolchildren, like a lot of Americans. People who are morally retarded in this fashion cannot truly appreciate the finer things of life. This tension results in the fight against alternative lifestyles, alternative worldviews, censorship, and the breakdown of responsibility and civility (for example, people dealing with each other by lawsuits and public recrimination).

What’s more, such moral retards often pose a DANGER to themselves and to the rest of us due to their ignorance and/or shame about their own bodies.  The pervasiveness of this attitude that everything between your navel and your knees is something secret and shameful often makes it quite difficult for many people with conditions like Crohn’s Disease to seek treatment until they’re in rather dire straits.  After all, one’s bowel habits or butt pains aren’t to be discussed… that’s dirty! 

The second tension is between order-based morality and natural morality. As adults, Christians still have the brain development, the instincts, the desires that all adults have. But on the other hand, their order-based morality directly contradicts all of these elements, in fact attacks these elements as being of “the world”, “anti-Christian”.and “sinful”. So we end up with a situation where people are conflicted and feel tremendous guilt about their own mind and their own actions. This is not the recipe for a healthy society, but rather the recipe for an oppressive society. We see the results of this tension in high teen pregnancy, high rates of adultery and divorce, high rates of obesity and preponderence of violent crimes born out of insecurity and frustration.

And I wonder how many of today’s “good Christians” caught something nasty during their coked-up days in the 80s or 90s before they got hooked on Jesus, and think they’re safe now because their naughty bits haven’t seen the light of day (never mind any thorough self- or outside exams) for such a long, long time… their shameful behavior is forgiven, being from their “old” life and all… until they give it to their new spouse?

How the hell are we supposed to not be “of the world” when this is where we friggin’ LIVE?  Disconnecting from reality is NOT the way to go… educating people to deal with today’s realities IS.  That includes the children—because otherwise they’ll be freakin’ children FOREVER.  We all have to grow up, which really sucks ass most of the time.

The third moral tension is between Christianity in general and Western civilization. This civilization of ours, regardless of its many faults, was founded on the tearing-down of authority, on the progress brought about by reason and science, on trade and material progress, on the freedom of being (through “human rights"), belief and lifestyle. Although we may have strayed from these ideals in the past century, we can still identify living Western values, such as material gain, romantic love and sexuality, equality, tolerance and respect, the importance of life – as well as our most noble and venerable institutions – the discovery and application of scientific principles, peaceful trading and commercialism, as well as acting and being judged based on one’s values.

[all emphasis mine]

We’ve been straying farther from those ideals in the past 25 years than I’m comfortable with, and it’s no coincidence that in that same 25 years the fundie Christians have been finding more and more devious ways to subject all Americans to their order-based morality with the support of government.  Why wouldn’t the sort of people who make up our government be on board with that?  What could be better than ruling over a nation of children… ignorant, fearful and easily led?  Big Brother, Heavenly Father… someone to save them from the demons and monsters… it’s all good.

We rational people, the actual grown-ups, know who the real monsters are.  They are those who warp children’s minds with tales of vengeful gods, heavenly rewards; with myths and lies about sex, drugs, people unlike themeselves in whatever way and the realities of everyday life in our own country and the world over.  They are those who aim to create a world FULL of children by limiting what we learn, know and speak of to those things appropriate only for children.

Children who giggle and snicker and blush when discussing anything that happens below the waist.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Arrrrgh, I’m On Fire!

It’s 6:00 in the morning, and I’m waiting for the doctor on call to call me back.  I finally gave in and called Dr. C’s office because my whole body seems to be covered in hives.  I had a few itchy spots when I went to bed around midnight, and my lips felt a little tingly.  I woke up around 2:00 AM and was itchy in a few more spots, with a red bump here & there.  I thought maybe I’d gotten bitten by a bug or something, so I scratched a little bit and did my best to go back to sleep.  3 hours later I was up again, and my upper lip is now swollen, the bottom one’s not far behind, and I’ve got hives all over my arms, legs, neck, ears, scalp, ass - everywhere!  I also feel like I’ve got something stuck at the bottom of my esophagus (or like I’m having reflux), and my hands seem to be swollen too.

Yesterday morning when I woke up I had what I thought was a sinus headache, with itchy ears & throat.  I took a Sudafed^™ Sinus Headache pill, which made the headache go away, but not the itchy ears & throat.  I also took an Advil Allergy pill around 4:00 PM, which didn’t seem to do much of anything.

These hives and shit might be a side-effect of the Remicade, but I’ve had something similar happen when I’d had no medicine at all.  Twice when I was in my 20s I just woke up one day with either my upper or bottom lip swollen to about 5 times its normal size; and when I was 11, I broke out in hives that disappeared by the time I got into the doctor’s office, but that he thought might have been a reaction to the bronchitis/pneumonia he said I had.  That bout of hives came up the day after a night that my guardians at the time decided they were not going to give me any cough medicine before bed; I guess they thought I was faking the 2 week-old phlegmatic deep chest cough just to get high on NyQuil or something.  Asshats.

I’m having a wild fantasy right now… of grabbing the fucking cheese grater and scratching myself until I bleed.  There’s not a place on my body right now that doesn’t itch whenever I touch it.  Even typing makes my fingers and hands itch, because they feel swollen (well, they ARE swollen - I had to work pretty hard to get my rings off a while ago) and tingly.

Ugh, the answering service just called back and they’re still trying to reach the doctor on call.  I just told them I need someone, ANYONE to call me in a prescription of Benadryl… the pharmacy opens in 35 minutes, and if I can keep from scratching my skin off between now and when I can pop a pill, maybe I can get some relief.  GAWD THIS SUCKS!!!!

Update: Dr. C’s not sure whether the reaction is from the Remicade or not, but in the meantime he’s advised I take 50 mg of Benedryl, and he’s calling me in a short course of Prednisone (Jesus, I really DIDN’T want to ever hear that name again!).  I just took the Benadryl and Rob will pick up the Prednisone on his way home for lunch.  Hopefully the Bennies will kick in soon and either stop the itching or knock my ass out so I don’t feel it.  Meanwhile I’m taking my so-itchy-I-want-to-scream, UNhappy ass and my Angelina Jolie lips directly to the couch and hoping for quick and blissful unconsciousness…

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Trash to treasure: Embryonic stem cell research

I’m arguing about stem cell research on the G&G board, mostly with my fundamentalist foil Kmumom, who can never pass up an opportunity to proselytize for the glory of Jay-zus.  She started the thread by citing this article on WebMD about the success of transplanted stem cells from the patient’s own nose in treating nerve damage.

So, because I’m a lazy blogger, I’m just going to post my latest reply to her last diatribe against my evil humanist nature.

I chose to reply in particular to one comment she made:  ...your callousness is especially shocking to me. You know full well your own daughter started out as one of those embryos you are so willing to kill and harvest.

No, you’re wrong about that. Neither I nor my daughter started out as “one of those embryos.” We became embryos as a result of natural recreational sex - not extras left over from fertility treatments. THOSE are the embryos I’m asking about. There are thousands upon thousands of them stored right now that will not be used by the people who made them or anyone else, and will eventually be disposed of as medical waste just like tumors and bad organs removed from patients. THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, nor considering their owners’ already fulfilled dreams of becoming parents by using some of their “batch-mates,” are they even potential people. They’re slated for disposal. So what I’m ASKING and you (and everyone else) keep NOT answering, is why you think it’s more moral for these unwanted embryos to be disposed of (which is their certain fate) than utilized for research?

To be perfectly honest, I’d actually prefer that this argument be rendered moot altogether by way of far fewer people engaging in fertility treatments that result in large batches of eggs and embryos that will end up doing no one any good. If it’s “God’s will” that you cannot conceive, rather than turning to the same medical technology that is responsible for abortion and contraception, you should accept “God’s plan” for you and adopt one of the thousands of children who weren’t aborted but are still unwanted.

Rather than another sermon about the moral bankruptcy of secular humanism, howzabout you answer the actual question I’m asking, which is narrowly confined to why embryos that are destined for the proverbial dustbin shouldn’t be put to use to serve humanity? It seems to me that in THIS case, *I* am the one whose position is that allowing them to be used to further medical research means their “lives” will not have been in vain.

There have been strides in adult stem cell therapy and cord blood stem cell therapy, YES. However, there are some things that can ONLY be done using embryonic stem cells, and it’s ridiculous to stop a whole subset of medical research because some people are inappropriately sentimental about medical waste.

Saturday, May 08, 2004

People need to grow a fucking spine!

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the necessity (and more importantly the spirit) of laws against sexual harassment and creating a hostile work environment.  However, when I read about Amaani Lyle and her suit against Warner Bros. and the producers of “Friends”, I can only wonder how some people can live with themselves when they’re too spineless to confront an undesirable situation without involving legal counsel and the courts.

I know if I were working as a writer’s assistant, and the conversations were making me uncomfortable, I’d at least SAY something and ask for the behavior to cease - not wait until I left the company and then turn around and sue.  If this woman failed to either directly confront the writers and ask them to stop, OR to go to her supervisor, or even HR (ptui!) for fuck’s sake… how can she claim they willingly created a hostile environment?  Are there truly adult people, working in the fucking entertainment industry, who don’t have enough intestinal fortitude to say, “Hey guys, wouldja mind taking your blowjob talk outside, or at least keep it down?” I’m sure working on “Friends” was much different than working at Nickelodeon, but c’mon Amaani… I can almost understand being offended by the word “cunt” because so many women ARE (unlike me - I love the word!), but claiming to be psychologically scarred by a bunch of men’s use of vulgarity and profanity is just freakin’ ridiculous.

So there was supposedly no explictly sexual content in the shows they were writing, and Ms. Lyle feels it was inappropriate to bring up sex, porn or nudity during the writers’ brainstorming.  It’s IS show business, after all, and no matter WHAT the “product,” keeping it sexy is what it’s all about.  “Friends” was so popular for 10 years because the men and women in the audience, every last one of them, at one time thought about what it’d be like to fuck Jennifer Aniston, or Matt LeBlanc (hey, I’d do him, and I never watched a show until the finale - heh)… and that can’t EVER be far from the minds of anyone writing for television.  I’ll allow that perhaps these guys’ conversations were far too graphic for Ms. Lyle’s tender sensibilities, but if that’s so, WHY did she never say anything? She claims this was an everyday thing; and yet she “suffered” through months and months of this hostile environment without ever once going off, like any other normal person would?

The fact of the matter is that in spite of the strides made by women in the workplace, it’s still a man’s world and boys will be boys… especially in the entertainment industry where eternal Peter Pans keep the machine going by giving the people what they want - the idea that whatever’s in front of them will somehow get them laid.  Sex sells, and the entertainment industry sexualizes anything and everything.  Any woman who expects to be treated with kid gloves in the business is woefully naive and deserves to be run off if she’s too easily offended AND can’t bring herself to tell the boys when they need to shut the fuck up already.  When you’re playing with the boys, you’d best have balls enough to stand up for yourself once in awhile or you’ll get chewed up and spit out in short order.  Hooray for Hollywood.

What really sucks is the bitch will probably end up getting a settlement for her whining, with money that comes out of MY pocket when all’s said and done.  If they’re paying off spineless jellyfish like her, those dings in the bottom line mean less cash in the corporate pool to be spread around to those of us who have a brain AND a spine, and spend our days toiling to make the money people like Amaani Lyle get simply for being easily offended crybabies who find a lawyer to take their case.

Maybe I just don’t get it because I’m simply not offended by crass language, profanity or sexually explicit speech, and in fact, I’m probably better at it than half the men I know.  Hell, I’d have ribbed those guys for being so obviously fixated and wondered aloud if what they didn’t really want was for Jennifer to don a strap-on and fuck their hairy asses silly, while they were dressed in cheerleader outfits.

Stupid men, spineless women and deep corporate pockets… meanwhile, we can’t get goddamned head count to help with the mountain of work on our plates.  What the fuck kind of justice is THAT?

Now go buy a few DVDs - unfortunately you’ll be contributing to the blood money paid to malcontents like Amaani Lyle, but you might also make life a little easier for some hard-working geeks like me.