Obnoxious Bitch
Friday, January 06, 2006
Hard to Believe…
I haven’t had a cigarette in 4 whole days - since January 2nd. Why not the 1st? Because I miscalculated when I bought the last batch, and I still had more than a pack left at midnight on New Year’s Eve. Since I’m such a cheap bitch, there was no WAY I was just going to throw away an almost-$5 pack of smokes! So I finished those up as of around 11:30 PM on the 2nd, determined to be a non-smoker.
Though I bought some Nicoderm patches, I haven’t even felt the need to put one on yet. I decided that since I’m already taking the Wellbutrin, I’d rather not add nicotine on top of it unless I feel like I’m jonesing so hard I’m about to have a meltdown. So far although I’ve had a few moments of total bitchiness, I haven’t even come close to the completely psycho feeling I remember from previous attempts to quit smoking. I’m pretty sure the higher dose of Wellbutrin is directly responsible for that. The last fairly successful time I quit (for over a month) was while using Zyban and the patch. Zyban and Wellbutrin are the same drug, bupropion, but one’s 75mg and the other’s 300mg. After 30+ years and multiple attempts, I know myself and my habit well enough to know there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell I could kick cigarettes without chemical assistance. So far, it seems to be working, so I’m pretty pleased.
My near vision’s blurrier than normal, which I’m hoping is a side-effect that will go away after I’ve been on the meds a bit longer. Some of the other side-effects I’ve noted are more frequent trips to the bathroom, and some agitation - although that might just be because I really want a fuckin’ cigarette! Hahaha. I’m not feeling the chemical withdrawal as much as I am the withdrawal from the physical rituals or habit of smoking. The trouble is, I really LIKE to smoke… and if it weren’t for the health problems it causes, I wouldn’t give it up. Little Oral Annie that I am, not smoking means I end up eating more, or chewing my fingernails down further than they already are. Just what I need, to be fat and have raw bloody stubs for hands. That should be helpful in landing a new gig… not!
I’m hoping this time it’ll stick, and I can quit for good (without getting as big as a house). So far, so good. We’ll see what it’s like to try and make it through the weekend, when everyone’s actually here in the house with me. Being at home alone all week, I’ve been able to stay relatively sane by either getting involved in some cleaning project (they are legion around here), or if I don’t feel like I can work my way through the urge, I lie down for a few minutes and make my brain vegetate til it passes. That’s what I’m going to do right now!!!
Next entry: I Love Ingersoll Previous entry: Is There Any Reality in the Bible?